He cares for me, he loves me but I don't know if thats enough. I care for him, I love him but is that enough?
We talk of marriage. I say December; by then, I think the stars will wear off, reality will set in and it will (maybe thankfully) end.
And it will end. It seems with each week, we find more to disagree about. It frustrates me, he frustrates me. One second he is fine and the next we won't look at each other, won't speak.
I told him I want a large family. He told me thats irresponsible, told me my parents were irresponsible for having ten kids, that those kids will/are screw ups. I resent that. Am I a screw up? Are any of my siblings screw ups? No.
Life is so precious. I don 't want to deny it the opportunity of a chance at this life. And thats how I see. I won't do what I can't handle and at the moment, I feel that I could handle it.
And of course, I want the Temple. I don't want a marriage outside of it. I'm ashamed of myself. I promised myself, I promised God I would marry in the Temple. I would do my part. I haven't. I am failing. I don't like to fail. I don't like to argue.
And so, I feel the end approaches for this relationship. The odds are against us and I am in their favor.
