Then came friend Matt, inconsistent Matt. I'd known Matt for almost a year before we kissed. He was stuck on his ex-girlfriend, stuck on her convenience and a past that held him in limbo. She let herself become convenient. Insecurity and loneliness drove her to have sex with Matt and both were expelled from college, in their last semester.
Matt is actually still my friend, one of my best friends. We talk quite frequently. He is still extremely inconsistent. I can't put any feeling other than friends into him because he messed with me so many times. We did make out though. I insisted. He kept bringing it up and I wanted to know how good he was so we spent a few days in each other's arms, while he was talking engagement with his ex-girlfriend.
It was strange because I knew how he was. I had no intentions other than to make out. He couldn't handle that and tried for more. I didn't want more but I thought to give it a try. He ran off. No surprise.
He wasn't my last kiss. Graduation night brought Zatl. We had one last make out and that was the end of that. Zatl was never much of a lover. He was fun to wrestle with, probably my favorite but not for cuddling or much else.
I was planning to be good after this. Two guys in less than a week was a lot of guys for me. I'm really not that type of girl. Life has just become very uncertain and I don't say no when I should.
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