I vowed no more kissing but it didn't last. A week after my arrival in Utah and I had a new make out buddy. Jon Diaz, the wannabe gangsta. I remember Jon from Fall 09' He had been the SRC vice president, friends with Grace (my roommate), in our ward and a lot thinner.
Jon is still living in his college days. His view of life is quite different from mine. But he was a fun make out. Actually he sucked at kissing but he made up for it in other ways. He made me laugh a lot at first. He was new to all of it but boy did he catch on fast and want to do it ALL. I said no, kept saying no.
Jon was my first brown man, my first college graduate with his own place. We had a few fun nights sleeping over at his place, too much fun and too much trouble.
The last time I came over his friend had moved in with him. I spent the night with him and in the morning I found myself in the middle of two guys, cuddling -- this was a low, an ultimate low.
I've become risqué, confident, daring and trouble. I no longer understand crushes. I don't understand affection. I don't understand dating. I don't understand love. I don't know what any of these things feel like and I don't think about what these things feel like, not the way I used to.
That’s not something I want to try again. I'm not into more than one guy at a time.
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