Utter confusion

But sadly, this was kinda a lie. I would like to say that I was finished with men for a while. I thought wrong. I continued to talk to Matt. Plans began to form. Words of commitment began to slip from his lips and then he dropped the news. Alaska. He was going to Alaska for five months. Could I handle that? I panicked. I ended our connection.

I cried. I figured I wouldn't talk to him again but I was wrong. Days later and he was back. I found out he made out with several girls during this time. But things had begun to heat up with Taylor's Landlord and I.

Yes, this did happen. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did. And now, we just naturally come together. I don't know what to do.

Matt was going to surprise me March 11 with a visit. Good thing I found out before. He told me because we got in a fight the week before and he confessed the surprise.

Now he is coming to visit and I am still wrapped up in the landlord, Brandon. Inactive Brandon. He took me out for Valentines, my first Valentine, and since then things haven't been the same. We've spent practically everyday together. It started out as Brandon being the friend. Taylor and I hung out with him, had a good time but I never saw anything coming from it. Nothing could come from it.

Brandon is 30-years-old, divorced, has an eight-year-old son and is not active in the church. We took him to institute last night. That was the first church activity he's attended in years.

I'd like to just walk away. I'd like to walk right into Matt's arms next weekend but I just don't know if I can. I really like Brandon. I see so much potential there, not for me but for his life in general. I don't want to be the bad example and I don't want to be another reason for his continued dislike of the church. So, I can't just walk away. I have to find a way. I'm just not sure how. So, I am currently dating two guys. I don' t know how I get in these situations.